Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Another Christmas

And so another christmas without you..Christmas will come and Christmas will go and another new year will be here. I know you have passed on and I will never get to see you open another gift..Or watch your face light up when your grandchildren open your presents..Ever since your death the holidays are not the same..I don't feel the joy, the happiness that they once made me feel..I suppose I should not be that way for I do have many reasons to be happy and enjoy the holidays but I can't help it..Every year I withdraw from everybody and enclose myself within myself..

I see people so happy and full of the holiday spirit and I find myself longing to have that to but I just can not find it within myself..They say have a Merry Christmas and my eyes tear up..I can not find the words Merry Christmas to say back to them..Instead I say you too.

Maybe when we find your remains and can lay you to rest properly maybe then I will feel differently about Christmas and the holidays..I hope so..I am so filled with sorrow right now...No desire to enjoy anything about Christmas..I have no tree put up in my house..No beautiful colorful lights on my porch..And no sounds of blissful christmas carols blare in my ears..

I have so many wonderful memories of our family at Christmas..I remember when we use to go to gramma's on Christmas Eve..The whole family would be there..All your sisters their families and your brother..We would would eat a big dinner..Exchange gifts and us children would sing Christmas Carols..Then we would all scurry to the end of Babscott Lane and wait for Santa to come on the firetruck..You would hear the the sound of that firetruck for miles away..The sirens blarring..Oh how I loved the sound of the firetruck..

The Christmas parade that you and dad would take Jen and I to in Haverhill..I remember standing on the side of the road with tons of people freezing..YOU would say look Ange here come the firetrucks..Oh they were my favorite part of the parade..And dad would get picked up in the paty wagaon by the police that were in the parade, I would cry and you would say to me, Don't worry Angie it is just part of the parade, you will get your daddy back I promise..And I would..We would go to the wagon and dad would be standing there smiling at us..

I remember you first Christmas with all your grandchildren..Jen and anthony came down to South Carolina..Oh you were so happy..You had your daughters and your grandchildren all there that year..Your face lit so bright..You watched the kids open their gifts..You even sat with them all on the floor around you..Helping them with the wrapping paper..I had never seen you so happy..

These Christmas memories I keep with me forever..I charish them all..